Written by Tanisha Shanee exclusively for This Is Her Journey

May: The month where April showers blossoms May flowers. The month for new beginnings. And also the month where children celebrate their mothers.

For the last six years, this month has taken on a whole new meaning. What is supposed to be an exciting and wonderful season has turned into a very emotional time for me.

Why is Mother’s Day so emotional for me?

Well, I do have my mother with me, I thank the Lord, Jesus Christ for that. She is a beautiful, strong woman who gave birth to two beautiful women.

But, for some women like me, even though we have our mothers in our lives, we still feel pain on this day because of one word: MISCARRIAGE.

I have had two miscarriages with the last one ending in an ectopic pregnancy – where the fetus was fused to my ovary.  I had to have an emergency surgery and my left falloptian tube was removed in order to save my life.

Two miscarriages and faced with death, I often wondered if I was being punished by God. I do want a baby and to become a mother, but now that reality is cut in half, literally.

Someone asked me, “Do you still believe in God after two miscarriages?”

My answer, absolutely!

After the first miscarriage, I was very angry with God. But, the second one, I knew I was disobedient to God’s order.

You may be wondering what was God’s order. Well, God told me to refrain from sex months prior to the miscarriage. And even though I was disobedient, I am not dead. God kept me!

Yes, I lost two babies, but I am here to tell you that God heals. He healed my body not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. I have even more faith now in God’s timing.

Until I become a mother, I have a purpose to fulfill.

There are people searching for healing from their past and God is using me to help them. So, I leave the depression over my miscarriages behind me as I continue to seek God’s promises.

This Mother’s Day I cannot promise I will not cry. But I hope that when you read my story you’ll appreciate your relationships a little bit more, whether you’re a child or a mother.

If you’ve experienced the same pain I have, or struggle with doubt about whether or not you’ll be a mom some day, I encourage you to draw closer to God and just trust His plan. After all, it is always perfect!

Who knows, this may be a season where you need to focus on God’s plan in your life before He can bless you with the children you desire.

Don’t let anger or depression keep you from God.

Stay in the Word and share your testimony with someone else because the reality is, you are still here, so purpose is still in your future!

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10 NIV)

Tanisha Shanee is an Inspirational Speaker and Healthy Lifestyle Strategist. She seeks to help others in not just becoming healthier, but healing from the root causes of their unhealthy lifestyles. She is the author of “Transition To A HEALTHIER YOU” in which she chronicles her personal weight loss transformation. Her story has been featured in numerous publications including Cosmopolitan, Huffington Post, Everyday Health and First For Women Magazine. 

Stay connected to Tanisha Shanee’s journey!  Visit her website www.tanishashanee.com. You can also connect with her on Facebook and Instagram.