Written by Tanisha Shanee exclusively for This Is Her Journey
May: The month where April showers blossoms May flowers. The month for new beginnings. And also the month where children celebrate their mothers.
For the last six years, this month has taken on a whole new meaning. What is supposed to be an exciting and wonderful season has turned into a very emotional time for me.
Why is Mother’s Day so emotional for me?
Well, I do have my mother with me, I thank the Lord, Jesus Christ for that. She is a beautiful, strong woman who gave birth to two beautiful women.
But, for some women like me, even though we have our mothers in our lives, we still feel pain on this day because of one word: MISCARRIAGE.
It was a Sunday afternoon this group of women would not soon forget.
They gathered at the invitation of Onika Mars, the owner of ELONIS International, a booming men’s and women’s fashion boutique.
But it wasn’t the clothes or fashion that brought them together that day.
These women were all there to discuss the damaging impact of domestic violence.
It had been almost eight years since Onika left her abuser, though this would be the first time she’d host an event to share about her journey.
Her idea, “Come Sit and Chat with Onika” would be the first of its kind in a community where many abuse victims are forced to cope with their pain alone.
For most of the women in attendance, this was the very first time they were able to speak about what they endured.
It was a night to talk, laugh, pray, but more importantly it was a night to release the burden they’d been carrying alone for so many years.
It was a night to not only see but hear that they were not the only ones abused by a loved one.
And since October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I asked Onika to share more about her story so we can continue to break the cycle of suffering in silence.
If you’ve been on social media lately, chances are you’ve come across the viral smash hit article “Don’t Be A Wife To A Boyfriend: 10 Lessons I Learned When I Was Single.”
Written by Shonda Brown White, her latest book bearing the same title, offers women an in-depth view into her journey to self-discovery, by sharing 10 key lessons learnt from her previous “situation-ships”.
Page after page, Don’t Be A Wife To A Boyfriend reads like you’re having a one-on-one conversation with one of your closest girlfriends.
Shonda is very transparent about her past struggles and candidly shares how her faith and failures helped transform her views as a single woman, when it comes to sex, love and relationships.
“[Our daughter’s] going to be a big sister… and…”
I thought this would be another routine visit to my ex’s place, except that day turned out to be anything but normal.
For the past five years, being the only woman to give birth to his child was my emotional safety net. It was a distinction no one else had.
But with one short sentence, my entire world came crashing down.
Honestly, I couldn’t process anything else my ex said after hearing those words. Mentally, it was as though I’d been hit by a Mack truck and lied waiting for the coroner to collect my lifeless body.
Granted, physically we hadn’t been together for quite some time. Yet emotionally, there was very much an attachment there.
“In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.” Psalms 18:6 (KJV)
“God, help me!”
It was a simple prayer uttered plenty of times in the past, but this time was different.
Just minutes before, I was driving around town doing errands. The radio was tuned to the Gospel station. Instead of playing the latest hit records there was a special segment on relationships.
The host and his guests were sharing their journey to abstinence and how they now live completely satisfied in Christ.
This was not the average sex is bad and you ought to save yourself for marriage churchy type of conversation. Instead it was more like I love God but I also loved sex and needed Him to deliver me type of discussion.
Captivated by the dialogue, I couldn’t get out of the car, even after reaching my destination. Each person spoke with such transparency and conviction. It made me question if I too could finally conquer this area of my life.
You see, for most of my teenage and adult life, sex was my go-to drug of choice; it was what I used to escape reality to find comfort and companionship.
It didn’t matter that the effects would fade almost instantaneously. The temporary satisfaction was one I couldn’t seem to resist. And being saved did not automatically take those feelings away.