Let me preface this by saying I am not a love guru or love expert. I am however an ex-serial dater, and have experienced more than my share of failed relationships.
The men I dated were all different – different cultures, social status, churched, unchurched – you name it, I’ve probably dated him.
In retrospect, much of my heartache and disappointments could have been avoided had I not entertained some of the men that came my way.
So in no particular order, here’s part one of my list of 7 types of guys you should never date or marry.
1. Mr. Unavailable
From the moment I saw him, I was instantly attracted to him.
Tall, dark skin, extremely handsome, well-educated – everything about him seemed perfect from the outside. What I couldn’t see, was that behind his well tailored suits, was a man deeply hurt from his past.
Mr. Unavailable had no desire for a serious relationship.
Like the other women before me, I fell into the trap of thinking I could be the one to change him; that somehow my love would be special enough to fix his brokenness.
I wasted a lot of time and energy trying to convince Mr. Unavailable to take our relationship to the next level.
I didn’t realize then what I know now. You should never have to convince a man of your worth! You should not you have to force him to commit to you, because no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to make a man love you!
2. Brother Prophet
This one is especially for my church sisters and is in no way throwing shade at the prophetic or those who GENUINELY operate in that gift.
When I became serious about my walk in God, I was excited about the prospect of dating a Christian man. Up until this point, none of the guys I dated were fully committed to Christ.
Meeting Brother Prophet was like a breath of fresh air.
We started out as friends until he hit me with the infamous “God showed me you’re my wife” line.
For months I went back and forth deciding if Brother Prophet was truly the one. In my heart something just wasn’t quite right.
Long story short, Brother Prophet broke up with me to marry another girl from our church. Turns out, God told him she was supposed to be his wife.
I didn’t realize it then, but God was fine tuning my ability to hear from Him for myself. He was teaching me not to be easily impressed by someone’s ability to sound deep or spiritual.
Sadly, my experience isn’t unique. Some Christian men regularly use hearing from God as their pickup line.
It’s up to you to know God for yourself. Then, you will be able to discern the real from the fake. Then, you won’t have to rely on Brother Prophet to know if he’s the one you should marry.
3. Mr. Unequally Yoked
You’ve probably heard the saying, opposites attract. Well, Mr. Unequally Yoked and I couldn’t have been more different.
Initially, our differences made the relationship enjoyable and exciting. These differences added to the intrigue of our budding romance. But ultimately, it was our differences that drove us apart in the end.
It wasn’t that Mr. Unequally Yoked or I changed over the course of our relationship. Over time, it mattered less about our physical attraction and chemistry. It mattered more about how little we had in common when it came to our values, beliefs, and overall approach to life.
While every successful relationship requires some give and take, staying with Mr. Unequally Yoked meant compromising my morals. I would have gone through life with a partner who did not share my convictions.
Mr. Unequally Yoked reaffirmed what I knew to be true in my heart.
When it’s real, you won’t have to settle, not on the things that shaped you into the woman that you are today!
4. Mr. Workaholic
By the time I met Mr. Workaholic, I was tired of going from one failed relationship to another. I decided to approach things differently by taking the time to get to know him beyond the superficial.
When I realized his goals and interests were almost identical to mine, I was hopeful the relationship would last and eventually lead to marriage.
But Mr. Workaholic was already married…to his work.
There was always a work project or obligation to compete with his time and attention.
I would bring up the issue whenever it became unbearable but his excuse was always the same, “I’m not used to being in a serious relationship so be patient with me.”
At first I struggled with wanting to support his goals and being patient. After a year of hearing the same line, I had to stop accepting his excuses and face the harsh truth.
It wasn’t that he was too busy for a relationship. If he could find time for work and everything else, he could have found time for us. Our priorities were just different.
Mr. Workaholic challenged me to look pass my hopes for him and the relationship. Instead of listening to his words, I started looking at his actions. And his actions were saying I was far more committed to him than he was to me or the relationship.
I wish I could say that after dating Mr. Workaholic I never made another questionable decision in the pursuit of finding my happily ever after. It took quite a few more bumps in the road before I finally figured out how to truly wait on God to be the matchmaker I didn’t know I needed.
Believe me, I know how hard it is to not settle when everyone around you seems to have what you want.
But I also know that by rushing God’s timing you could end up dating or marrying someone He may be trying to protect you from…men like the ones I’ll share with you in Part 2.